I often happily allow myself to think of the past and the future because at any point in time you have to do justice to all three versions of you - past, present and future. IDK how people can manage to live for others like parents, child, partner etc etc i mean bhai i can barely manage to live for all versions of me which will ever exist. Sharing a song which triggered a related stream of thoughts. In the nicest of ways.
Yes, it's overwhelming to be thinking about what do I want today, while also being cognizant of the fact that I had some promises that I made to my much younger self, and a lot of what I do today is something my future self could potentially be grateful for. Timelines are a lot more intertwined than we'd like for it to be and simply saying live in the present doesn't make the cut for moi. It never has. Maybe it is a privilege reserved for those who aren't consumed by their desires. On a related note, I also find it weird when people think of life only in terms of milestone years. A couple years back on my 30th birthday party, a few frisbee friends (about 5-8 years younger) asked what does it feel like to be 30? and I did not have a concrete answer. I don't ONLY think about my life deeply when certain age numbers or life events are hit. In all honesty, I pretty much think about it on most days so like yeah turning 30 felt the same as like the day before that and the day after. I mean that's about it. To me, romanticising the passage of time is unimaginable in any context, I can only do it closer to the death bed. Cause I keep changing narratives around my lived experiences as I am growing and discovering myself more. Adding and peeling layers as I go. Gotta be fluid to flow.
On the song: its by Kr$na. He is originally a rap artist. But this one track is more or less a very beautiful poem. It has been written in the form of a monologue. It's one half a letter from a present self( say 28) to a past self (17-18, teen-ish) and is followed by a letter from the artist's said past self to his future self. They are both equally moving. [Quick context, he named himself as Prozpekt (as his artist name) when he began and later turned it to Kr$na. If you choose to hear this song, you might want to know that as a precursor .]
On Rap - Rap does have a bad reputation for being distasteful at times, often also violent and NSFW. Regardless, I still listen to a lot of rap and hip-hop. And I can't imagine life without it. Art is the medium that lets you input negative emotions and still output a slightly positive experience off of it. You can input art to a negative emotion and make it beautiful. It still stays negative tbh, but I'd rather everything that exists have beauty. [fungibly used to denote art/creativity/soul/substance etc]. The only way I will have acceptance of a badly lived experience is if I am able to somewhat romanticise it. And music does exactly that. Even if for a brief moment. I don't indulge in any other form of therapy (yet) apart from art and brain dump to a close friend.
I think I'm able to write off the negative emotions that rap often accompanies because I do feel that it is as real a representation of life as all the lovey-dovey swifty songs. Not taking anything away from that. I quite enjoy nice vibey music as well. There is nothing to hate about love but unfortunately that's not the only emotion one has to process in life. It never occupied more than 5-10 % of mindshare or the playlists for that matter. [12/12 update: love has occupied 150% of mental bandwidth lately, but don't wanna digress here]
When I gravitated to rap in early teenage, it did help process some emotions which were otherwise inexplicable. It was an outlet for the teenage rebellion in days when I was surrounded by family whose every second dialogue during disagreements used to be - 'but muskan, we have done so much/everything for you'. One of the worst emotional cocktails of all times is when anger and guilt combines in twisted ways. For the muskan whose constant mental status was 'arriving somewhere but not here' music quite helped.
Long before the era of travis and drake, rap started out of inequality and injustice and I strongly urge people to read/know about the history of hip-hop/ rap. Hip-hop evolution on Netflix is a good place to start. The background score of the show hits well. Have your Shazam on standby. SHAZAM on STANDBY
On language - Lately I have been loving my shift from english to indian rap. Nothing hits as much as experiencing a raw, non-intellectualised emotion in your language. I am maxing out on DHH these days (desi hip hop is the genre name ) As a result, I have started talking more in hindi than I did 5 years back and I am loving it. For all the shaming I was subjected to growing up in school when they prohibited us from talking in hindi (i went to a convent and I was hit with a ruler on hand at times if they overheard us not speaking in English) Full circle moment. Give it up for the mother tongue. Today and henceforth.
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Tl,DR Give it a listen.
P.S its also my workout music spc when I have to be in 'lets show up' mode instead of 'i love this' mode.